It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I announce that I will be taking a break from certain aspects of Vintage View Atelier. This has not been an easy decision and I hope that you will all understand.
As of late, I have been finding it harder and harder to enjoy what I do and, after having a complete breakdown the last weekend of January, I realized that it's because I am not in a good place, mentally or physically.
As many of you know, I graduated from Capilano Univerity for Costuming for Stage and Screen in June 2018. The program was already very demanding of my time, but it was not my only commitment. Outside of school, I volunteer at my local theatre and have worked on nearly every show for the last few years, in some capacity or another, from designer to alterations to buying. I also was working part time just to be able to afford gas for the 3+ hours of total commuting a day. On top of all this, one always has family obligations, friendships and relationships to maintain and self care that should be attended to. Mine was not. In short, I have all but burnt myself out completely and I am exhausted.
I have not been sleeping well, eating properly, exercising or any of the basic things that I need to do to stay healthy. I have devoted all of my "free" time to anything but myself. In part, this has been my fault. I actively avoid being idle. I can't stand having nothing to do and because of that, I always have too much to do because I take on too many projects. I have been in a constant state of stress and anxiety for longer than I care to remember at this point.
At this time, I am now working a full time job, which offers me the time and finances to grow my business, but I can't make anything happen because all I want to do is lay in bed. At this time, I am taking on less work at the theatre, which helps, but I also need to take a step back and really assess my business and where I want it to be by next year because I have big dreams for it. I need to make a concrete plan, but, more importantly, an achievable one that I can complete in steps. I've always been a big list maker and it's important for me to be able to track progress with recognizable accomplishments, no matter how small.
Much of what has made this so difficult is my struggle with depression. I have actively avoided dealing with it for years out of fear and embarrassment. Instead, I try to keep myself busy so I don't have the time to think. Of course, it has never gone away and over the last few years has gotten worse, often times, unbearable. This is not who I want to be anymore.
This past week, I've had amazing help from my other half to get my studio better organized, but I still have a long way to go for it to be in prime working condition and it has been an embarrassment to think of bringing clients and students in there because of the state it was in. Things are looking up, but I need time to make that happen.
I am happy to say that I am finally getting help for my depression and anxiety and hope to be in a better place soon. I really appreciate all of your support in the past and going forward.
This is not the end of VVA or even a hiatus. It is just a simplification until things are able to run the way I want them to so that both myself and my clients are satisfied. Please see below for how some things will be changing for the next few months.
1. I will still be doing events, my next one being Time Travelers' Bazaar on April 28th, which means I will still have a regular stock available at all times.
2. I have temporarily closed my online store, but I am still open to orders and can be reached through Facebook Messenger or at firstname.lastname@example.org.
2. a) Made-to-order projects (graments made in standard sizes from my current pattern range) are still welcome. Please email me for inquiries.
2. b) If you are interested in a custom project, please email me. I am not saying no to all things, but I have to be careful to pick projects with timelines that I can complete around getting my business in order, projects that I already have and my day job.
3. Any current commissions are still on track to be completed by the agreed upon dates.
If you have any other questions, please comment here, message me or email me.
Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all.